Of insanity and selfdoubt
by Hylianinja
Summary: Two short little drabbles inspired by episode 32.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Ren

"That boy you had your match with..." Ren mused, a wicked smile stretched across his face. "He seems harmless enough. _Kai _never said anything about him. So why should I feel threatened?" He seemed to be talking to himself as he chuckled lightly, completely amused by what had transpired just a few short hours ago. "Clearly, I won more than just a place in the finals today. Wouldn't you agree, Tetsu?"

Tetsu simply nodded. He didn't think anything he could say now could possibly snap Ren out of his current mindset. Sure, they had left the nationals victorious and had returned to their base of operations, but for some reason, Ren was still not satisfied. Only one thing _could_ satisfy him.

Ren slouched back in his favorite leather chair and closed his eyes in contemplation.

"_Kai_..." he sounded almost angry this time, remembering the words his old comrade had spoken. "Any team would be better than being with me, eh?" He paused and sighed, clenching his fist. Opening his eyes, he looked as if he'd been wounded. He was still deeply disappointed that Kai had refused him, but there was something else that had bothered him even more. And he couldn't get it out of his mind.

"_That boy_," he gritted his teeth. "He's such a _weakling_. Why would Kai even-"

Tetsu knew better than to overstep his boundaries and meddle in whatever it was that still left Ren with this twisted obsession with Kai. But this had gone on for long enough. He didn't think Ren had called him in to be ranted at, but that's what their conversation had turned into. And for the sake of their team, he decided to interject.

"-with all due respect, Ren." Tetsu hesitated for a moment, "I think it would be best if we concentrated on our own team right now. Kyou is still pretty shaken up by his loss at the tournament."

"Well, that's a shame, isn't it?" Ren said, sarcastically. He stood at that same moment, clearly annoyed at losing his train of thought. Kyou's mental state had been the _last_ thing on his mind. Without a second thought, he started making his way toward the door. The room was stifling and he couldn't bear it any longer. He needed to be alone; to vent his inextinguishable rage.

"Tell Kyou I need to speak with him later regarding his match earlier. I think he may have forgotten his place among AL4."

Tetsu nodded in recognition as Ren passed by him on his way out of the room.

"Aichi-kun," Ren smiled to himself as he opened the door. "If I can't have Kai, then neither will you."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Aichi

The water in the pond swayed slightly in the breeze, sending short ripples along its surface as Aichi sat on a concrete slab beside it. The koi there always kept him company whenever he felt alone. And he needed them now more than ever. He let out a heavy sigh as all of the days' anguish finally caught up with him.

He felt more depressed than he had in weeks. Ever since he had reunited with Kai and joined the others at card capital, he had felt..._happy_. And it made him really excited after Q4 had won the regional tournament and earned their spot in the nationals. But it had turned into _this_.

No one had come to check up on him in the hours he had been gone from home. He had told Emi he was going to the store, but here he was. He had _lied_ to his little sister all because he wanted to be alone.

_I'm sorry_ _Emi,_ he thought.

He had gone out of his way to be alone, but for some reason, he kept thinking of everyone else. He sighed once more and buried his head in his knees as he pulled them closer to his chest, feeling defeated yet again.

He knew that Kamui and the others were probably at the card shop, hanging out like any other day. But he couldn't go there. After all, he didn't belong there. He never did. And he should've realized it.

After a moment, he lifted his head and looked down into the pond at a group of koi that had crept up to nibble on some fallen leaves in front of him, but not even that could distract him from his overwhelming sadness.

_You can't go back_, he told himself. _You're not good enough_. _You'd just get in the way. _

Just then, the fish reminded him of Kyou's taunting words.

_"Little fish..."_

Aichi hung his head as all of the insults he had endured clouded his mind. As much as they had hurt him at the time, they rang true to him now. Everyone had been right about him. He couldn't deny being the weak-willed person that he was.

_I don't belong with everyone._ He thought to himself, gazing absently at the pond. "I belong here, just like I always have."

_"Especially not with Kai."_

Tears began to cloud Aichi's vision, obscuring the fish as Ren's words rang in his head.

"Not again!", he scolded himself, wiping them away with his bare hands. He had cried enough today. He jumped when someone spoke up from behind him.

"Ah, there you are."

Aichi instinctively turned toward the voice, forgetting all about his tears.

_It couldn't be._

Kai's expression looked as stoic as usual as he glanced down at Aichi, not seeming to mind his crying eyes.

Aichi quickly wiped off the rest of his tears and turned to face Kai.

"K-kai-kun! What are you doing here?"

Kai took a couple of steps until he was standing beside Aichi and inspected the pond before returning his gaze back to the young boy.

"I was on my way home and ran into Emi." Kai spoke. "She asked if I would check up on you for her."

"Emi..." Aichi felt thankful for his sister's thoughtfulness.

"Well, it doesn't look like you're in any trouble." Kai turned to leave, seemingly uninterested. "If you want to stay here, then that's your choice. I won't tell you to go home or come back to Q4."

Aichi looked up at Kai's profile, wondering if he had any of his _own_ reasons for going after him.

Kai continued. "As I said before; Anybody who wants to quit should quit."

The atmosphere was heavy as Aichi thought about his friend's words. With Kai there beside him now, he started to have doubts about what he truly wanted.

Kai started walking away.

"So, you're alright with me staying with you?" Aichi asked timidly. "I-I...I mean...you aren't mad at me?"

That stopped Kai in his tracks. He turned back toward Aichi.

"Is that what you've been worried about?"

Aichi smiled sadly. Was he that easy to read?

"I let you down." He admitted. "Both you _and_ Kamui-kun. You weren't able to move onto the finals. And I could tell it was really important to you. It's all my fault, just like Ren said."

Kai's expression turned mildly hostile

."_Ren_ said that?"

Aichi held back another onset of tears and could only nod his head in response.

Kai sighed and took a seat beside the fragile Aichi, feeling just a little responsible for the boy's current state. "What else did he say to you?"

Aichi tried his best not to cry, but it was getting harder to hold himself together with Kai suddenly hanging on his every word at the mere mention of Ren. A part of him didn't want to talk at all. He just wanted Kai to notice how sorry he was. For _everything_. He wanted Kai to tell him that it was okay. That he could cry as much as he wanted. But he had to give Kai an answer.

"H-He said..." Aichi struggled to speak, almost as if Ren's words had placed a spell on him. "He said I don't belong with Q4...especially not with you. That you could have been in the finals if it weren't for me."

Kai's eyes narrowed at the harsh words. Instead of going after _him_ during their last encounter, Ren had attacked Aichi out of hate and jealousy in an attempt to scare the boy off. It was selfish and immature.

Kai mentally reprimanded himself for getting Aichi involved in his own regretful business.

"Ren." Kai whispered. If his goal had been to piss off Kai even more than he already had, it was working.

Aichi couldn't hold back any longer; he wanted his pain to stop.

Before another word could leave Kai's mouth, Aichi reached out for him and buried his face in the folds of Kai's jacket, clinging to it as if his life depended on it.

"Kai! I...I'm so sorry!" Aichi choked on his words. He gave up trying to say anymore as all of his fears took over. He sobbed and pressed his face against the smooth fabric, hoping Kai would understand.

Kai was surprised by the sudden urgency in Aichi's voice. He knew that the boy was fond of him, but this felt like something more.

"Aichi," was all the older boy could bring himself to say.

Kai flinched as Aichi began trembling, just as he had before his match against Tetsu.

_He must be terrified_. Kai thought. _But...why? Ren's doing?_

Unsure of what to do, but wanting to put his friend at ease, Kai gently put one of his arms around the boy and gently pulled him against his own body in an attempt to comfort him.

Aichi was mildly shocked by the embrace, but was more than happy that Kai hadn't pushed him away. He brought his arms around Kai, strongly gripping his jacket in response.

"Picture it in your mind," Kai whispered.

Aichi lightly gasped at Kai's words; the words he had always cherished but somehow managed to forget. His eyes widened as if he'd just awoken from a dream.

"I'm not mad at you."

Aichi let out a sigh of relief at hearing those words. As he finally calmed down and collected himself, he slowly pulled away from Kai. He felt extremely embarrassed, but was too emotionally exhausted at this point to try and hide it.

Kai noticed his weak demeanor and stood. "C'mon," he offered. "I'll walk you home."

Aichi nodded absently and carefully got to his feet, rubbing at his tired eyes once he was standing beside Kai, who was in the process of removing his jacket.

"Here," he handed the jacket over.

Aichi nodded timidly as he brought the jacket to his face to wipe himself off.

Once he was comfortable to show his face again, Aichi lowered the jacket and they began walking.

It wasn't long before Aichi fell behind.

"Kai-kun..."

Kai stopped to check what was wrong. "What is it?"

Aichi stared at the ground, unsure of whether or not he wanted to ask Kai a personal question.

"What was..Ren to you?"

Kai didn't respond right away. Instead he looked across the street from where they were, looking lost somewhere in another world.

Aichi didn't look away from Kai's eyes, searching their depths for some kind of answer. He felt bad for asking such a question after telling Kai that he wouldn't bother him if he didn't want to talk about something, but he felt somehow involved now. He _had _to know who Ren was.

"Ren is a part of my past that's trying to interfere with my future." Kai finally said. "Now let's get you home." And with that, he continued down the street with Aichi slowly catching up beside him.

The answer hadn't been very revealing, but for some reason, just being with Kai; the fact that they hadn't been separated after everything that had happened, made him extremely happy.

"Thank you, Kai-kun." Aichi smiled, looking up with hopeful eyes at his role model.

Kai smirked, honestly happy to hear the joy return to Aichi's voice once again.

"Don't mention it."


End file.
